Friday Night Musings


Over twelve years ago I decided I wanted a bigger, smaller life. And I left a lucrative, successful career without a plan except to enjoy my life more. I was tired, miserable and worn out and only 35 years old. I also made this decision after watching someone close to me, my best friend, die after a long battle with breast cancer.

She was driven, talented and ambitious.
She died when she was only forty- nine years old.

I was driven, talented and ambitious and we had worked side by side for fifteen years.

I wanted a bigger, smaller life.
One filled with authentic relationships to meaningful work, my life and my relationships.

And at 45 I find myself not living with a fatal disease, or in the throes of a mid-life crisis but rather in a state of mid-life clarity. Frankly I think in middle age we give birth to our authentic selves, we’ve already lived through our crisis.

When we connect with our spirit within it helps us to simplify, find beauty and fortify our lives. It makes what can seem mundane sacred.

Terry Tempest Williams writes…

Spirituality is solitary. Its compliance is conflict, a gnawing at the soul that cannot be ignored. We are engaged. There are no rules. There are no maps. We live with the discomfort and ambiguity of our own authority. At times, it is lonely, often informed by pain. On other occasions, it is the body submerged in a phosphorescent tide, every movement sparking a trail of illumination. Afterwards, we sit on the shore in moonlight. No candles are necessary. Spirituality exists when we are present, buoyed up by the waters of attention. We learn the courage of faith. It is peace that is earned. We can take solace in the heat of doubt knowing that is the pulse of poetry.

I have finally arrived in mid-life clear with the knowledge that happy is what we are – not a set of circumstances that happen to us, or for us. To love is a verb, a choice that we make and not something we fall into, or someone that happens to us. That the spirit, the divine is everywhere we look. That we are enough just to be here we don’t have to be anything.

And if that doesn’t work for us – we go buy a new pair of shoes.



One Response to “Friday Night Musings”

  1. At the risk of sounding stalker-ish by leaving my third comment of the day…I think I’m fast becoming your biggest fan. could not agree more with what you’ve written.

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