Musings of a Cuntsucker.
Musings of a cuntsucker – say it fives times fast, it’s shocking, provocative, crude. I’m thinking about Dorothy Allison’s poem “The Women Who Hate Me” – I posted it in it’s entirety here.
I reflect on these lines…
Who do you think you are?
no good to anybody, never did diddlyshit anyway.
You figured out yet who you ain’t gonna be?
I am trying to wrap my head, not my thighs, at least not at this moment, around how this is different from words, labels we throw at one another – dyke, bulldyke, stonebutch, butch, soft butch, boi, femme, lipstick lesbian. I’m trying to get it – to get the gender identities, the sexual identities, the dynamics. Top, bottom, sideways, upside down (hey try it there’s something for everyone. And by the way that’s what the wallet on the chain is for, so you don’t lose it when you are standing on your head). Stop me now – oh no you don’t…I’m on the top. Always.
I get it but I don’t get it – recently I am reading blogs (the blogs to remain un-named) describing gender indentity, roles and labels. I get the roles, the labels but not as something that is liberating. In my mind they will never be liberating only limiting. Whenever you label someone as different from you – you set up discrimination, separation and inequality.
I can’t see labels as supportive of a feminist attitude or as liberating. I wrote about it in my post earlier this week when I was so offended that a woman referred to me as a “boi”. I’m sure she thought I’d be flattered, I’m sure many wear the label with a sense of pride. But I despise labels and talked about many of the reasons why here.
And I’m reading Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth” – and he talks about roles (but not butches, bois or femmes) yet it relates to everything I am thinking about. On page 90 he writes…
Of course different people fulfill different functions in this world. It cannot be otherwise. As far as intellectual or physical abilities are concerned – knowledge, skills, talents, and energy levels-human beings differ widely. What really matters is not what function you fulfill in this world, but whether you identify with your function to such an extent that it takes you over and becomes a role that you play. When you play roles, you are unconscious. When you catch yourself playing a role, that recognition creates a space between you and the role. It is the beginning of freedom from the role. When you are completely indentified with a role, you confuse a pattern of behavior with who you are, and you take yourself very seriously. You also automatically assign roles to others to correspond to yours.
Although the social structures in the contemporary world are less rigid than in ancient cultures, there are still many pre-established functions or roles that people readily identify with and which thus become part of the ego. This causes human interactions to become inauthentic, dehumanizing, alienating. Those pre-established roles may give you a somewhat comforting sense of identity, but ultimately, you lose yourself in them. Authentic human interactions become impossible when you lose yourself in a role.
Inauthentic, dehumanizing, alienating — that is my problem with these labels and I can’t see a case for them liberating us. Someone can identify any way they would like in terms of gender, sexuality but I can’t see these labels as a path to freedom or evolution.
I just want to hold onto Dorothy’s words where she writes…
Where then will I find the country
where women never wrong women
where we will sit knee to knee
to the whole
of our lives?
Women are weak or strong, we lead or follow, in pants, or a skirt. We can shave ours heads or wear our hair down to our ankles … we’re women, but more than that we’re human, and our shared humanity will save us and bring us into the light.
Peace & goodnight-