Musings of a Cuntsucker.

Musings of a cuntsucker – say it fives times fast, it’s shocking, provocative, crude. I’m thinking about Dorothy Allison’s poem “The Women Who Hate Me” – I posted it in it’s entirety here.

I reflect on these lines…

Who do you think you are?

no good to anybody, never did diddlyshit anyway.

You figured out yet who you ain’t gonna be?

I am trying to wrap my head, not my thighs, at least not at this moment, around how this is different from words, labels we throw at one another – dyke, bulldyke, stonebutch, butch, soft butch, boi, femme, lipstick lesbian. I’m trying to get it – to get the gender identities, the sexual identities, the dynamics. Top, bottom, sideways, upside down (hey try it there’s something for everyone. And by the way that’s what the wallet on the chain is for, so you don’t lose it when you are standing on your head). Stop me now – oh no you don’t…I’m on the top. Always.

I get it but I don’t get it – recently I am reading blogs (the blogs to remain un-named) describing gender indentity, roles and labels. I get the roles, the labels but not as something that is liberating. In my mind they will never be liberating only limiting. Whenever you label someone as different from you – you set up discrimination, separation and inequality.

I can’t see labels as supportive of a feminist attitude or as liberating. I wrote about it in my post earlier this week when I was so offended that a woman referred to me as a “boi”. I’m sure she thought I’d be flattered, I’m sure many wear the label with a sense of pride. But I despise labels and talked about many of the reasons why here.

And I’m reading Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth” – and he talks about roles (but not butches, bois or femmes) yet it relates to everything I am thinking about. On page 90 he writes…

Pre-Established Roles

Of course different people fulfill different functions in this world. It cannot be otherwise. As far as intellectual or physical abilities are concerned – knowledge, skills, talents, and energy levels-human beings differ widely. What really matters is not what function you fulfill in this world, but whether you identify with your function to such an extent that it takes you over and becomes a role that you play. When you play roles, you are unconscious. When you catch yourself playing a role, that recognition creates a space between you and the role. It is the beginning of freedom from the role. When you are completely indentified with a role, you confuse a pattern of behavior with who you are, and you take yourself very seriously. You also automatically assign roles to others to correspond to yours.

Although the social structures in the contemporary world are less rigid than in ancient cultures, there are still many pre-established functions or roles that people readily identify with and which thus become part of the ego. This causes human interactions to become inauthentic, dehumanizing, alienating. Those pre-established roles may give you a somewhat comforting sense of identity, but ultimately, you lose yourself in them. Authentic human interactions become impossible when you lose yourself in a role.

Inauthentic, dehumanizing, alienating — that is my problem with these labels and I can’t see a case for them liberating us. Someone can identify any way they would like in terms of gender, sexuality but I can’t see these labels as a path to freedom or evolution.

I just want to hold onto Dorothy’s words where she writes…

Where then will I find the country
where women never wrong women
where we will sit knee to knee
finally listening
to the whole
naked truth
of our lives?

Women are weak or strong, we lead or follow, in pants, or a skirt. We can shave ours heads or wear our hair down to our ankles … we’re women, but more than that we’re human, and our shared humanity will save us and bring us into the light.

Peace & goodnight-


3 Responses to “Musings of a Cuntsucker.”

  1. Ah, but this is one of many blog posts I have half written waiting for time to find a way to explain that for me, there has been freedom in labels. I think I wrote as a comment on sugarbutch – I’m femme…no two ways about it, but instead of chafing against that label (as I did in the beginning) now I find incredible freedom in knowing that I read as femme. I feel freedom to play with my wardrobe more…I don’t have to be in heels and girlie clothes to still be the femme in the bar – last night I went out in tennis shoes and a plain black t-shirt and jeans, NEVER would have done than in my straight days. I don’t quite know how to articulate this yet (which is why my own post is not completed) but I understand now that my femininity does not have to fit into some confining definition – that it comes through in a million different ways that have nothing to do with my clothing choices, or even my sexuality. Anyway, I am rambling – but this is a topic of great interest and I love that all these blogs are sparking discussions about it.

  2. I have a blog reader who just HATES Hillary Clinton and can hardly stand to visit her blog because so much of it is about Hillary bashing. Not much on her politics, really, just simply….she hates her laugh, her “philandering” husband (and hey…one of her blog posts alludes to the fact that she was once a philanderer herself, so I find myself wondering how she would like to wear that letter on her chest forever…), her “overly made up face”…

    This appalls me. I would think that women would be our safe place to land, not our landmine infested field….

  3. I had left a comment and it was “sucked into a cyberspace vortex” never to be found again – I am sure it was more coherent than a comment left at midnight.

    To Jen some of the posts/positions I have read lean towards a fetish, a minority I think. And to each his/her own preferences. I do think we need to explode, expand, move beyond labels and stereotypes they set us up for sexism not freedom in my opinion.

    And of course there is a difference between playing a role for a moment and living one.

    Perhaps my sensitivity lies in being labeled with identities I would not (have not) chosen for myself -so I certainly don’t want one assigned to me.

    Think I am going to maintain my desire for us to relate to one another as humans – with things in common. Then with labels which choose to define our differences.

    Thanks for all the comments, I’m sure I’ll come up with more to say as I have more to think about on the topic.

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