These boots are made for walking…

So we’re in the Aut Bar in Ann Arbor and my new friends are quite intrigued with my history – of course they are, they’re lesbians. And lesbians don’t have boundaries. “So Janet did the sex blow your mind” – T. asks. “What”? “Did the sex blow your mind, you’ve been with men longer then we have, so did sex with women blow your mind”?

(and nah you won’t be getting my whole response, neither did they).

But yes and no…I came out in mid-life (oh yeah, oh yeah Mid-life Clarity) and coming out, and dating has been a series of mis-adventures. If my cruel and humorous streak ran deeper I’d blog about them. Well it does run deep but I am not going to blog about them.

Not all of them anyway.

But it’s been exciting at times, humorous, infuriating and frustrating. No violins to strike up, no poetic tributes to love as gentle as an ocean breeze that swept me away to the sapphic island of happily ever after…

Nope, nope, nope nothing like that. In fact the first woman I kissed remains one of the worst kissers I have ever locked lips with. Locked lips about sums it up, her’s were locked – tight. I leaned in and kissed her. Hmmm. I tried again. Hmmm – ok I’d have more fun kissing the Queen. It was that hopeless of an experience. I called it off that day, it was that unremarkable. YES we had to discuss it for weeks (lesbians).

No dating woman has been on many levels just like dating men – it’s hard to find someone you connect with on every level physical, emotional, intellectual. It’s really not that different – men vs. women – except with women you talk about why it isn’t working way more.

Still I must really be gay – as all I’d like to do is go out and have more, and more really bad experiences with women. Sigh. How cynical of me.

And despite all of my strong, courageous and inspiring words and thoughts (some of which appear on this blog and you claim to visit me to read them) well hell – lately I am frustrated and lonely.

Frustrated…lonely. Still cute as a bug’s ear, full or rapier wit and smiling but alas frustrated and lonely. The not dating hiatus is getting really, really old.

I’m ready to write the poem of waves crashing on the beach, ready to strike up the violins – have my heart skip at least a few beats.

Feelings and unpleasant feelings – ones that in the past would have left me picking up a cigarette, or having a drink, or consuming too much ice cream. Now? Well now I dial up or e-mail one of those bad experiences to ask “hey want to do that all over again – I’m sure it would be better this time or at least better than nothing”?

Of course it is stupid but when humans have feelings instead of sitting with them all the way through to the other side we have to do something to make them go away.

We smoke something, or reach for something to drink, or pop a pill, or chase the wrong girl or we just buy too many shoes on

And that is where I fell victim again, I am really ashamed of myself – when will I ever learn? I beat myself up, I repeat the same mistakes, there must be a 12 step program somewhere to help me, some fellowship?

But you know – sometimes you just really need the right shoes to chase after the wrong girl.

Frye Harness boots – next time she groans and asks over and over again “are you a bad girl”? I’ll just say, “what do you think, just look at the boots”.


6 Responses to “These boots are made for walking…”

  1. Hang in there Janet. The right one will come along when you least expect it. Besides,with cool boots like that, you will have them lined up around the block. There’s bound to be a good one just around the corner…

    I really do love those boots by the way. Very nice.

  2. glued blue glass Says:

    I have those boots. I don’t wear them much though. It’s hard to hike in them. They are hard ass though aren’t they?
    I don’t know what to tell you about dating. You have described it well. It sucks.
    Enjoy the shoes in the mean time.

  3. Old Crone Says:

    I have no advice for you, but I love the shoes….hang in there.

  4. Thank you, thank you and thank you. It’s appreciated — and I was trying to be funny, while frustrated and hope that came through in my post today.

    Tomorrow I’ll talk belts and I keep threatening to show photos of my cock ring.

    It’s coming and I don’t mean it that way or maybe I do?

    eerrhhh over and OUT-

  5. 8th Day Planner Says:

    “sometimes you just really need the right shoes to chase after the wrong girl.” – you made me laugh out loud.

    And by the way – I don’t believe there is such a thing as “too much ice cream” : )

    (and thank you for your kind comment)

  6. 8th day planner!

    Thank YOU! that’s the response I am shooting for having women laugh out loud at me.

    I’m totally serious and seriously silly-
    (who it going back to her dark place now).

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