Facebook…the new locker room.

“Facebook is a social utility that connects you with the people around you.”

Ok I’m 46 but my real age vacillates somewhere between 5 and 15 – and I have, ashamed to say developed a recent addiction/obsession/compulsion (I know, from me how shocking) to not only M.F. but to yes…FACEBOOK.

Minutes are lost, if not hours to Facebook – it’s the new locker room.

Only on Facebook can you spend time with a woman one night and the next day log on to see…OMG her status has changed to “single” weeeeeee.

Can you send dozens of free cyber flowers – with public (ohh how fun P.D.A. or private messages).

Without Facebook I wouldn’t know that I have a crimson heart, sorry ladies not black. Or that if I were a dog I’d be a Maltese (I really think Jack Russell Terrier better suits me) or that my name should be Amanda “You are outgoing, beautiful, innocent, and pure.” Innocent and pure – blech! Ugh! I was hoping for Carmen (note to self to take that test again when intoxicated).

How could I get my daily tarot reading, or astrology how else would I be able to reveal to the world that YES Janet has a “Yellow Aura”…
You are fun-loving free -spirited, energetic and childlike. You have a great sense of humor and love to laugh and make others laugh. You want to enjoy life and therefore work is not too important to you.”

Only on Facebook can you reconnect with highschool friends (o.k. old enemies) and ask yourself do I really want to start this all over again…the infantile competitions and gossip. YES of course I do. “Yes let’s be faux friends” all over again!

And I collect, I do, I collect as friends singer/songwriters – each day I ask “who can I find on Facebook” – it’s especially important that I collect lesbian singer/songwriters and no don’t send me to your fan club page…that’s not what I want. I want the real deal, your page.

Katie Sawicki writes on my wall and I never want another message left from Suzi from junior high…I just want everyone (stalking what I do on Facebook to see) OMG Katie Sawicki wrote on her wall, Trina Hamlin left her a message.

Was she really nudged by Melissa Ferrick?!!! OMFG..OMFG.

I’ll never wash my screen again. Sigh.

Already I am getting lonely- already I need to see if anyone has sent me any karma, growing eggs, is someone’s damn little green patch in need…is there yet another cause I can wear as proudly as a lesbian covers her Subaru in a plethora of bumper stickers.

Did she fucking leave a message on her ex’s wall again! I knew it.

I have you see digressed, regressed – I have fallen for Facebook the ultimate time waster — please come and be my friend (especially if you are a hot lesbian singer/songwriter)!!

Now if you’ll excuse me …my daily Tarot reveals.

“The devil. The devil represents wild behavior and reckless abandon. This is a card synonymous with temptation and addiction. At it’s worst, this card embodies evil, but at it’s best represents ambition, impulsiveness and pure devotion. You should be acutely aware of the destructive influences in your life and gather the strength to overcome them.”

Clearly this can only mean one thing…it’s time to leave a message on Melissa Ferrick’s wall, she’s thinking about me.

And dammit Alix Olson – do I have to send you yet another friend request. Knock it off or I’ll leave your damn street team…and you know you need me, cause Michigan is a hotbed of culture and bookings. I wonder if Kate misses me, what is Natalia doing –

sigh.

xoxoxoxoxoxo
Janet
(who exaggerates…I hope you all know that ’cause all I want is for you to have a hardy laugh at my expense. And stalk me on Facebook of course)!

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6 Responses to “Facebook…the new locker room.”

  1. Who knew Facebook could be so much fun? I guess I need to explore a bit further. I recently got an account but have not been on there more than once or twice. You know I’m heading over there after I get my blogging fill for the day. Now if I could just remember my password?…

  2. Ohhhh goody — log on and be my friend my pretty please!

    I’ll send you a boquet of roses despite the fact that I can spell it right now.

    xo-
    janet

  3. thewishfulwriter Says:

    I’m honored you talk to me on facebook, given I can’t sing. Not even a little bit. well, i can, but you would prefer if I didn’t. that’s prolly more accurate… 🙂

  4. AH Heather — you’ve got younger, blonder, funny as hell and sane going for you! Who else would I talk to – oh yeah the crazy singer/songwriters.

    Do you talk to yourself?…I collect those friends too (or at least I imagine I do).

    -janet

  5. this is funny in real time. i spent time during Friday’s work day helping a co-worker who is a good bit older than me even (heh) figure out how to add Flair to her facebook page. She’s completely addicted — I was amazed. I’m there, but not obsessed. I’ll have to look you up!

  6. Hello Lynt – oh please do, the link to my facebook account is right under my photo on the sidebar.

    Please do…I’ll send you some flair.

    thanks for stopping-
    janet

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