I guess I have been depressed – yes I have. Worried about the economy and my lack of a more rich personal life. Despite having a really great September …I feel like I am a hiccup away from bankruptcy. It’s all so terrifying.
Spending so much time, getting my hopes up thinking I was making an important connection with someone and ultimately it failing. How selfish she was on so many levels and how someone can not find it in themselves to apologize, to be responsible for their behavior and its affect on others.
Depressed. I even started to cry (a rare event for me, tears of self pity) and yet when I walked outside yesterday – it was so, so, so beautiful. The sky was the most delicious shade of blue, the quality of the light was amazing…the fall colors, the warm air.
Beautiful – the world is so beautiful. The river flows, the birds fly…a frog rests on a rock in the sunshine. They don’t care about elections, or Wall street or whether or not they’ll have a date again.
They just are …I want to just be, most of the time I am just that – just being. But a few tears found their way out of me …it was brief, literally just a few, then the day gave me a-
Great big glorious hug! Abundant universe…I choose yes, I choose to be happy, I choose to just be.
A lovely poem from Mary Oliver.
Morning Poem by Mary Oliver
Under the orange
sticks of the sun
ashes of the night
turn into leaves again
and fasten themselves to the high branches —
and the ponds appear
like black cloth
on which are painted islands
of summer lilies.
If it is your nature
to be happy
you will swim away along the soft trails
for hours, your imagination
And if your spirit
carries within it
that is heavier than lead —
if it’s all you can do
to keep on trudging —
there is still
somewhere deep within you
a beast shouting that the earth
is exactly what it wanted —
each pond with its blazing lilies
is a prayer heard and answered
whether or not
you have ever dared to be happy,
whether or not
you have ever dared to pray.
from Dream Work (1986) by Mary Oliver
© Mary Oliver