Random Weekend Update

How do we all feel about a weekend update?! – cause you know my days are titillating and inspiring. And I love the word titillating …it just rolls off the tongue. (oh you go there, go where ever you want, rolling is good).

Now – if you drink tea and you like coconut, I cannot, cannot recommend highly enough
Zhena’s Gypsy Tea “Coconut Chai” …it is to quote author Patti Digh “elixir of the gods”. I bought an entire case through Amazon (and speaking of Amazon, don’t they sell everything now – from books, to vibrators, to tea – all they need are cats and it’s one stop shopping for lesbians everywhere).

I first stopped by the gallery to take some photos of two new raku tile pieces I have hanging there – the first one I made was purchased before the show even opened. More exciting to me is that the man is a collector and has a world class collection. After the first of the year he wants to commission me to do some additional work for him.
Wee….I’ll post some photos tomorrow, right now I am too lazy to haul out the cables and download the photos I took today.

Sore, crazy sore – I met a new friend at the gym. A friend! She’s a weightlifting competitor, an LGBTQ counselor/student advocate at Michigan State University. I probably lifted a little too much trying not to look 12 or so years older than she is. Oops sore but she was impressed and that my vanity is what matters, it’s more fragile then my body. What is a little muscle stiffness…weakness leaving the body I tell you, weakness leaving the body!

Now this was a new YMCA for me and not the one I usually attend – I was in the sauna and if you’ll remember from this post I have had my share of problems in locker rooms. Just one woman entered and exited the sauna based on seeing me sprawled out in it – I don’t know what else to think when they walk in and then out. Why do people do that? It makes me feel very paranoid.

But the showers in this place – what ice age are we living in? A room full of spigots on the walls what proper person can shower that way outside of the Women’s Music Festival? And I was not surrounded by lesbians, oh no – this is a family place, especially on the weekends. So right around the corner I can hear the youngsters, their parents splashing around in the pool. So I showered FAST and the entire time I was concerned some lady is going to stroll through here with her kids and spot the tattooed woman with some strange landscaping going on down there. My mind was racing with what might be said and how it would be explained. “Don’t look she’s a lesbian porn star”. I managed to shower undiscovered and without the squeals of children. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I had some pad thai with tofu for dinner…you are, admit it…jealous.


Lori Hahn
has a fun new internet dating application up on her blog – go see it, very funny. And there are plenty of visuals and photos in case someone else is interested in dating women who can’t read. I will only date women who can’t spell – sigh. Match.com. I have given up on internet dating – it’s hellish.

I’ve been thinking about my dating history, so depressing. I realized I have been dating a lot of professional lesbians & activists BUT the problem is none of them seem to have the time to be actively a lesbian. It’s an irony I hope is lost on me soon.

Note to self…no more advocates, psychologists, social workers, counselors. Gads who does that leave? And I won’t watch sports – at least not boys in tights sports.

Ah YES singer/songwriters of course, artists, authors? Who’s out there – who is sending me Susan Werner?

And I am still madly in crazy love with her music and a big celebrity crush on her. Can’t stop 24/7 listening to Susan Werner. Unless I am lifting weights then it’s Pink or Ferrick. So I can stop. No need for an intervention – at least not yet.

And I am still playing word games…literally with Melissa Ferrick on Facebook. It’s the least she can do to repay me for my endless, passionate devotion. I moved ahead in our recent game – triple word and I used an “x”. Lesbians are good at that using “x’s”. ( I couldn’t help myself it was too easy).

FACEBOOK – oh Facebook it is without a doubt a huge time waster and it’s a great deal of fun too. To those on Facebook please note, this is very important…if you write something about someone on Facebook on someone elses wall – everybody that is your friend gets to see it.

So I was so saddened but really tickled and amused to read “Add Janet Smith as a friend — you can always delete her so your other friends can’t see it”.

I thought “hmmm that is so damn weird, why would anyone write that”. Then it hit me “oh I’m gay”. I had forgotten that I am gay and they apparently were troubled.

Guilt by association after all. So these inane girls from my high school who had looked me up, faux friended me again on Facebook, were all concerned about what might happen if they friended a queer girl. Hysterical.

And of course just like high school, they still act like they are in high school BUT they are way fatter now.

And I am queer and a slim, trim weightlifter. I’ll bet their husbands would rather watch me having sex and that is what they are afraid of. I’d like to see that too, a day when I actually have sex.

Love to you all — still reading? Good. This kind of crap feels so self indulgent to me…ask me what you want to know. Let me know if I am at least good for a laugh.

The last woman I went out with referred to me as “a good sport” I am surprised I haven’t killed myself yet, it is one degree of separation away from being described as nice. ( and don’t worry I am far more inclined to homicide then suicide).

I want to keep you all laughing until your sides hurt, as much as mine do, from too many sit ups. And now I am off to watch the Dylan movie with Kate Blanchette in a suit – what fun.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo-
janet, the queer old boi & great sport. Shoot me now just don’t miss.

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5 Responses to “Random Weekend Update”

  1. Hahn at Home Says:

    Okay, as to the muscles. Tomorrow, when you wake up and can’t move anything from the chest down, don’t come whining to me!

    Second, I had missed the sauna post – hysterical.

    Now, as to high school girls – you know they are all wonderin’ what it would be like themselves to have sex with your trim self. That’s what scares ’em.

    Oh, and bummer, I got called “sweet” by my interest. She doesn’t know me very well yet.

  2. For ten dollars a month extra at my Y, you can get a “plus” membership, which gets you adult-only locker facilities, shower, sauna, whirlpool. Everyone walks around naked – the 80 year olds and the nubile androgynous women (not that I’m looking or anything). Nobody cares.

    Pad thai with tofu – I am jealous. Once upon a time, when I had someone to cook for, I could make a mean pad thai. My mouth waters as I write.

    I don’t have many high school friends on facebook because I didn’t have many friends in high school, and I won’t “friend” people who are nosy. It is nice to note that I now weigh less than most of them – so much for the fat girl in high school. And it’s a small town thing – many of them still act the same way they did in high school.

    Being called a “good sport” to me is akin to being called a good loser. Ouch!

    Now, go stretch so that you can move tomorrow!

  3. I laughed all the way through this excellent post and even though I am going to school to become a Social Worker, I still adore you. 🙂

    p.s.- I refuse to join Facebook and I am still very proud of that.

  4. The Y I go to has adult only locker rooms but a unisex sauna. Go figure.

    I am intrigued by the ‘ask me what you want to know’. I think I will start a list.

    Did you like Cate Blanchett? I thought she was awesome in that movie. Now I am (not so) patiently waiting for Benjamin Buttons. Our theater has this huge poster of her I am trying to get my children to steal for me. Although it is difficult to explain a straight girl crush to my daughters.

    Keep up the posts. They always make me smile.

  5. Eww a unisex sauna …how gross. I don’t mind the nudity but the shower scene was not something I was keen on at this particular facility, I prefer my own shower with a curtain. Especially when I feel like a walking, talking dyke alert!

    It makes others uncomfortable.

    I adore Cate Blanchette – I could not stay away through the Dylan movie but will try again. Loved her in Notes On A Scandal…she is sexy, sexy, sexy.

    Greg I am sure you’ll be a fantastic social worker…I like social workers I am just repeatedly striking out with them. (ok well twice)

    I can move today — I am sore. She told me I didn’t “look old or out of shape” – so it was all so worth it.

    xxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    janet

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Random Weekend Update

How do we all feel about a weekend update?! – cause you know my days are titillating and inspiring. And I love the word titillating …it just rolls off the tongue. (oh you go there, go where ever you want, rolling is good).

Now – if you drink tea and you like coconut, I cannot, cannot recommend highly enough
Zhena’s Gypsy Tea “Coconut Chai” …it is to quote author Patti Digh “elixir of the gods”. I bought an entire case through Amazon (and speaking of Amazon, don’t they sell everything now – from books, to vibrators, to tea – all they need are cats and it’s one stop shopping for lesbians everywhere).

I first stopped by the gallery to take some photos of two new raku tile pieces I have hanging there – the first one I made was purchased before the show even opened. More exciting to me is that the man is a collector and has a world class collection. After the first of the year he wants to commission me to do some additional work for him.
Wee….I’ll post some photos tomorrow, right now I am too lazy to haul out the cables and download the photos I took today.

Sore, crazy sore – I met a new friend at the gym. A friend! She’s a weightlifting competitor, an LGBTQ counselor/student advocate at Michigan State University. I probably lifted a little too much trying not to look 12 or so years older than she is. Oops sore but she was impressed and that my vanity is what matters, it’s more fragile then my body. What is a little muscle stiffness…weakness leaving the body I tell you, weakness leaving the body!

Now this was a new YMCA for me and not the one I usually attend – I was in the sauna and if you’ll remember from this post I have had my share of problems in locker rooms. Just one woman entered and exited the sauna based on seeing me sprawled out in it – I don’t know what else to think when they walk in and then out. Why do people do that? It makes me feel very paranoid.

But the showers in this place – what ice age are we living in? A room full of spigots on the walls what proper person can shower that way outside of the Women’s Music Festival? And I was not surrounded by lesbians, oh no – this is a family place, especially on the weekends. So right around the corner I can hear the youngsters, their parents splashing around in the pool. So I showered FAST and the entire time I was concerned some lady is going to stroll through here with her kids and spot the tattooed woman with some strange landscaping going on down there. My mind was racing with what might be said and how it would be explained. “Don’t look she’s a lesbian porn star”. I managed to shower undiscovered and without the squeals of children. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I had some pad thai with tofu for dinner…you are, admit it…jealous.


Lori Hahn
has a fun new internet dating application up on her blog – go see it, very funny. And there are plenty of visuals and photos in case someone else is interested in dating women who can’t read. I will only date women who can’t spell – sigh. Match.com. I have given up on internet dating – it’s hellish.

I’ve been thinking about my dating history, so depressing. I realized I have been dating a lot of professional lesbians & activists BUT the problem is none of them seem to have the time to be actively a lesbian. It’s an irony I hope is lost on me soon.

Note to self…no more advocates, psychologists, social workers, counselors. Gads who does that leave? And I won’t watch sports – at least not boys in tights sports.

Ah YES singer/songwriters of course, artists, authors? Who’s out there – who is sending me Susan Werner?

And I am still madly in crazy love with her music and a big celebrity crush on her. Can’t stop 24/7 listening to Susan Werner. Unless I am lifting weights then it’s Pink or Ferrick. So I can stop. No need for an intervention – at least not yet.

And I am still playing word games…literally with Melissa Ferrick on Facebook. It’s the least she can do to repay me for my endless, passionate devotion. I moved ahead in our recent game – triple word and I used an “x”. Lesbians are good at that using “x’s”. ( I couldn’t help myself it was too easy).

FACEBOOK – oh Facebook it is without a doubt a huge time waster and it’s a great deal of fun too. To those on Facebook please note, this is very important…if you write something about someone on Facebook on someone elses wall – everybody that is your friend gets to see it.

So I was so saddened but really tickled and amused to read “Add Janet Smith as a friend — you can always delete her so your other friends can’t see it”.

I thought “hmmm that is so damn weird, why would anyone write that”. Then it hit me “oh I’m gay”. I had forgotten that I am gay and they apparently were troubled.

Guilt by association after all. So these inane girls from my high school who had looked me up, faux friended me again on Facebook, were all concerned about what might happen if they friended a queer girl. Hysterical.

And of course just like high school, they still act like they are in high school BUT they are way fatter now.

And I am queer and a slim, trim weightlifter. I’ll bet their husbands would rather watch me having sex and that is what they are afraid of. I’d like to see that too, a day when I actually have sex.

Love to you all — still reading? Good. This kind of crap feels so self indulgent to me…ask me what you want to know. Let me know if I am at least good for a laugh.

The last woman I went out with referred to me as “a good sport” I am surprised I haven’t killed myself yet, it is one degree of separation away from being described as nice. ( and don’t worry I am far more inclined to homicide then suicide).

I want to keep you all laughing until your sides hurt, as much as mine do, from too many sit ups. And now I am off to watch the Dylan movie with Kate Blanchette in a suit – what fun.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo-
janet, the queer old boi & great sport. Shoot me now just don’t miss.

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