Archive for June, 2009

Quiet phase…

Posted in Uncategorized on June 30, 2009 by boychick1

Just going through a quiet phase on many levels – feel big (and not so big) internal shifts, feel peaceful.  I have been changing my diet pretty dramatically (trying to go vegetarian, or mostly so) and exercising a lot.  If any free time pops up I am doing something creative or touching base on Facebook.  I do read a lot of blogs and am looking at a lot of art lately.

Still impatiently waiting on the kiln and looking really forward to it.  It’s rainy and cool in Michigan today.

The new things I have been working on are here.

And since I don’t seem to be doing much writing – let’s have a rerun.  I wrote this in response to the first woman I slept with – not an experience worth being nostalgic about on any level but it did inspire this poem.

The river of my memories carry me ever forward.

But still I ask-
will I
ever learn
to live in the moment,

l  o  n  g      e   r

than I do
with
these memories.

The river
of my life
flows
forward.

In
and out,
along,
besides,
through,
over, over, ever over.

Memories.

Banks of my soul have been acted upon.

Softened,
revealed,
concealed,
shifted.
shores of
your affects.

Here and there
in
these places
still
discovering still,
that I have not found yet today.

I reach for
the smoothing, soothing
c u    rv  e
of your hip

but the moment
holds
only the chill
of loss,
of remembrances,
and reverence for
a love of gentle places.

j.smith

I. Miss. Michael.

Posted in Uncategorized on June 26, 2009 by boychick1

Random sound bytes.

Posted in Personal ramblings on June 25, 2009 by boychick1

So summer is here and I am thrilled – it means sleeping in late, tons of fresh berries and omelettes with pesto sauce.  Fresh salads of tomatoes, mozzarella cheese. olive oil and yes more basil!  This morning I enjoyed some great whole wheat bread from a local bakery and it was slathered with butter and mimosa jam.  The jam was from Stonewall Kitchen – one of my favorite companies.

I. Love.  Summer.  Even 90 degrees – even 90 + degrees and high humidity…summer is just so luscious, sensuous and dramatic.  An attractive dramatic, in a way zero degrees and a blizzard is not.

path

Photograph by Susannah Conway

So I got into my e-course “Unraveling” as if I needed lessons in how to unravel – well apparently I do.  I received notice of the new course starting and I procrastinated (but only overnight) thinking I’d sleep on it and enroll in the morning.  Well the course sold out in seven hours – 150 students.  So with a little help from a generous universe I managed through the grace of it’s host to get into the e-course. It begins July 13 and I am looking forward to the challenge of delving into my creativity, as well as my psyche.  You can visit Susannah’s website here to learn more about it.

The June training courses have all started and it will be a busy summer there – now I need to sit down and prepare a schedule and start promoting the next sessions in August & September. I really feel a need to get a vacation in this summer if only to our families summer place.  A week or even something short of a week staring at a lake and dipping my toes in the water after dark is something I think I need.

Oh and I am reading “Art & Fear” (observations on the perils and rewards of art making) and I highly, highly recommend it.

So come share your comments – what are your favorite things about summer?

A Few Random Updates…

Posted in Uncategorized on June 23, 2009 by boychick1

km_lineThe KILN IS FINALLY on it’s way — I am too jazzed up to have it land.  Currently I am clearing out and cleaning up to set up the area to fire and do the raku reductions.  Work (bisque and greenware) is everywhere so it will be really nice to finally be able to fire things at my pace and finish pieces up.  Now I’ll be able to experiment with different finishes and see things quickly.  Jazzed, jazzed, jazzed.

You can see some of the new raku reliquary I have been building here.

Everything hurts (well everything from the waist down) as I have maintained the practice of running – I was just not getting enough of a workout on my standard practice of steppers, stairmasters and various elliptical machines.  Running is just a harder workout that involves more muscle groups.  Hope the new shoes mean that I will be more comfortable.

The face when I asked the young man at the gym “can I have those when you are done” was priceless.  When he finished with the 20 lb dumbells – I did two sets of 10 bicep curls.  He moved to the other side of the weight room.  That part of my body is not sore and I’m butching it up some more as I intend to get back in to have my tattoo extended for my next birthday (or maybe I’ll do it before then if I just can’t wait, patience has never been a virtue of mine).

I have been doing some new encaustic work at well – and am really getting into experimenting with shellac burns.  One literally douses the work with shellac and lights it on fire.  “When She Blushed” and “Metamorphosis” were made that way.  Oh wait did I post about that here already?  I know photos are up here.

I dunno, dunno, dunno.  What have I written about – what not, and where.

Believe I am going to sign up for an on-line photography/discovery course called “Unraveling” – I need the stimulation and the challenge.  Regular assignments mean I will show up to do the work.  Peer pressure gets me moving.  Going to go run the hounds, do some painting and consider that course this morning.

Business is good, I am busy — all I want to do it twitter around and paint.  Love, love, love summer!  It’s finally really hot here the kind of weather I love 80’s  & 90’s – feels like I am living in a sauna.  Love it!

The Great Depression

Posted in Personal ramblings with tags on June 22, 2009 by boychick1

running_feet_treadmill The Buddhists call it “mindfulness” – those moments when you are fully alive, present and aware. It can happen during big events in your life – a marriage, a baby, a funeral or in smaller ones like walking in the woods, washing the dishes or running on a treadmill.

I’ve been exercising for a long time and lately I’ve been dragging myself to the gym but I’ve been going.  So last Friday I decided to get on the treadmill and do some running.  Generally I loathe running and will instead opt for any other form of cardio exercise.  On I climbed.  I was doing intervals five minutes of running, five minutes of walking, five minutes of running – I felt initially awful.  Everything hurt I was winded and tired and then as I grew more aware of my breathing, my form and what I was doing I actually started feeling myself opening up and feeling better.  With each step opening up and feeling better.

And I realized quite suddenly that I have been depressed – probably seriously clinically depressed.  Not for a day, or a week, or the last few months but probably for a decade or more.  You Janet have been depressed.

And I started feeling better – I could literally feel my mind and body growing stronger with each step, each step was accompanied by increased clarity.

You.  Have.  Been.  Seriously.  Depressed.  For.  A. Very.  Long.  Time.

I am not sad because my last relationship ended – you got into these relationships because you were depressed and they ended in part because you were depressed.  The house is a mess on so many levels because I am depressed, the weeds in the yard, the _________________ (fill in the proverbial blank) it all a symptom of this great depression you’ve been in.

And the treadmill slowed down and I was walking feeling blissfully aware, suddenly full of energy – clear focused.  I pulled my iPod shuffle out of the arm band and scrolled for yeah Melissa Ferrick.  (to digress I have not listened to Melissa Ferrick in months because it reminds me of someone) So I scrolled for my favorite Ferrick live album “70 People At 7,000 Feet” – I turned her up, I turned up the speed on the treadmill and I started running.  I ran, and ran and walked and ran on that fucking treadmill for over 45 minutes.  Got off and got on the new elliptical machine at the YMCA and turned it all the way up to difficult and went faster than I’ve ever gone before for another 20 minutes.  I was sweating like a piglet — I felt wonderful I could have kept going all afternoon.

You idjit you’ve been depressed – not only have you been depressed you have been depressed for YEARS, a DECADE perhaps.  I’ve functioned at such a high level for a depressed person, it was my “normal” in a sense that I didn’t even realize it.  I’m funny, sarcastic, smart and you can weave some really intricate webs of deception for yourself, as well as play a pretty good game for the world when you are clever and can be charming.  And yeah you can do it even when clinically depressed (or at least I can).

And I’ve been barely able to move since my cardio marathon but I went back to run again yesterday and I am going out for a pair of new running shoes today.  But none of this has anything to do with running.  Well the fact that every muscle from the waist down is hideously sore does.

Friday afternoon and evening I came home and felt very serene and wanted to spend the weekend doing very little just sitting with my new awareness and being.  I realize that I have really had a major, major breakthrough.

I am no longer depressed and it is like a light has been turned on in my life – like that moment in Marilyn Robinson’s book “Housekeeping” when a light is thrown onto the detritus in their lives.  I see it all so clearly all the messes literally, all the dysfunctional choices – what I want and how to move forward.  How being depressed drew so many of the wrong people into my life, estranged me from the right ones and so on.

What a fucking long, long, l o n g,   L   O   N  G!!! tunnel that was but there was a light at the end and I found it.

Protected: Reflections, regrets, compassion and trust.

Posted in Uncategorized on June 18, 2009 by boychick1

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When She Blushed.

Posted in My Art on June 16, 2009 by boychick1

DSCN0243

“When She Blushed”

Mixed media – oil paint, oil sticks, pastels, encaustic wax with a shellac burn.  10 x 10 inches on a birch panel.

I am having a great deal of fun with these new materials, experimenting — going in all kinds of interesting directions with the art and it feels so very good to return to what are really my roots.