Archive for the Dog Training Category

New Man In My Life.

Posted in Dog Training, Melissa Ferrick, Personal ramblings on July 9, 2008 by boychick1

His name is Max — he is boarding here for the next week. Cute eh? -he’s quite charming but sadly he cannot regulate his own body temperature and alas I have almost no cleavage for him to nestle into…so he shivers alongside me.

Anyway, I have been away. And don’t want this blog to necessarily become the place for the hangnail report (I have one right now), how much weight I can bench press (100 lbs) or leg press (325 lbs) or a sorid confessional …”NO I do not empty the lint trap each time I do a load of clothes”.

But there you are. I have been hustling with more business (or trying to get more). Additionally several of my dogs are older and are having health problems that are keeping me worrying/working – cooking for them to get them to eat, or rushing another senior dog to the vet for a medical problem that is annoying, urgent, expensive but not life threatening.

AND TOO – I had just a grand time at Pride…fun, fun, fun! And have been busy with new friends, who promise to hook me up (pimp me out) to other friends and so on. It has been a hell of a lot more fun & productive than on-line dating which has proven to be an almost complete bust and disaster. It’s such a weird land I do just have to blog about it (and will someday).

Anyway there is really a great deal more to be said for going out (often) and meeting people in person —

…and so you have it, that’s what I am up to and I will catch up with the blog, and writing and will have more to offer then the hangnail report. Soon she says, soon. I am dating and thinking about dating and wondering if I am a person who is simply serious about dating but not getting married (good thing it’s illegal for me).

Listening to some great, GREAT music and I can always write about that and it’s not even Melissa Ferrick. I do listen to other things, I just think more often about M.F. when I daydream, or dream. And she is coming to Michigan – of course to see me and to play a couple of concerts which is just an excuse to spend more time with me.

But I ain’t gonna blog about that – nope keeping it all to my selfish self.

xo-
janet

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New Man In My Life.

Posted in Dog Training, Melissa Ferrick, Personal ramblings on July 9, 2008 by boychick1

His name is Max — he is boarding here for the next week. Cute eh? -he’s quite charming but sadly he cannot regulate his own body temperature and alas I have almost no cleavage for him to nestle into…so he shivers alongside me.

Anyway, I have been away. And don’t want this blog to necessarily become the place for the hangnail report (I have one right now), how much weight I can bench press (100 lbs) or leg press (325 lbs) or a sorid confessional …”NO I do not empty the lint trap each time I do a load of clothes”.

But there you are. I have been hustling with more business (or trying to get more). Additionally several of my dogs are older and are having health problems that are keeping me worrying/working – cooking for them to get them to eat, or rushing another senior dog to the vet for a medical problem that is annoying, urgent, expensive but not life threatening.

AND TOO – I had just a grand time at Pride…fun, fun, fun! And have been busy with new friends, who promise to hook me up (pimp me out) to other friends and so on. It has been a hell of a lot more fun & productive than on-line dating which has proven to be an almost complete bust and disaster. It’s such a weird land I do just have to blog about it (and will someday).

Anyway there is really a great deal more to be said for going out (often) and meeting people in person —

…and so you have it, that’s what I am up to and I will catch up with the blog, and writing and will have more to offer then the hangnail report. Soon she says, soon. I am dating and thinking about dating and wondering if I am a person who is simply serious about dating but not getting married (good thing it’s illegal for me).

Listening to some great, GREAT music and I can always write about that and it’s not even Melissa Ferrick. I do listen to other things, I just think more often about M.F. when I daydream, or dream. And she is coming to Michigan – of course to see me and to play a couple of concerts which is just an excuse to spend more time with me.

But I ain’t gonna blog about that – nope keeping it all to my selfish self.

xo-
janet

I Want To Date My Dog.

Posted in Dog Training, Melissa Ferrick, Personal ramblings on June 18, 2008 by boychick1

Which I am sure is what all those conservatives are thinking – first we let the queers marry one another and now (just as we predicted) they want to date and marry their pets.

Sigh.

She is twelve years old and the best dog I have ever had. They are called Belgian Tervuren dogs — and I have three. I want to marry them all ’cause I am just that perverted.

First of all she is smart – so very smart and graceful. They move with a complete absence of effort, they glide. Uber aware of their bodies they are gentle they don’t tend to slam into you, knock you off of your feet or bowl you over. They share space in a manner that is most companionable.

They can be quiet and calm or run as far as you’d like to go with them. Belgian dogs are versatile and can do many things but obsess over few things (they don’t tend to be ball fantantics and thank goodness neither am I).

A Belgian dog in not effusive (not at first) will size up the situation in a conservative manner they don’t rush into any relationship, they wait. But once they have decided you are the one — they are loyal, loyal, loyal and absolutely overzealous in their preference for you.

She is so very smart, pretty and graceful – strong when necessary, a tad complex, yet easy to be with. Quintessentially feminine.

I think I’ll start calling her Ferrick.

Dogs 101

Posted in Dog Training on June 11, 2008 by boychick1

I’d like to offer a bit of education for the woman who decided it was a good idea to ride her bike up behind a woman walking five (THAT’s FIVE) dogs without making herself known.

Don’t fuc!@$@#!!! do that again – eeck.

The dog is a social predator. Predator = chases things that move. Social = let’s all chase things that move. Moron = a woman that walks five or more dogs simultaneously ,whilst wearing flip flops (and a thong – just for you Maria). **not factual actually creative falsification for dramatic interest or humor**

Now ordinarily and today is no exception I am scanning ahead, glancing over my shoulder more often then a woman in a parking garage alone after dark. How in the hell did I miss her?

So the Golden needs to go and he’s going, I glance and see the cyclist. A CYCLIST right on us! And I grab and pull …the Blisster Meister the dog whose photo I put up earlier this week is not a fan of 1. strangers 2. bicycles 3. strangers on bicycles. Cyclists need to be killed, or at least bitten, or at least Jesus please let me just scare her, it’s so fun to watch them jump!

PULL – I pulled hard all of the dogs off of the public sidewalk and I’ve got a white knuckle grip on the monster (he looks really handsome when startled, those white teeth against that dark mask of his face). Think Stephen King movie.

Oh I wanted to shout at her and started to “what are you doing don’t sneak up on dogs, on a bike of all things” but she was cute so I stopped myself. I attempted my best most casual, yet sexy and relaxed smile instead. I am straddled legs askew on the ground gripping a very unhappy Belgian dog. “Oh look at all the dogs” she squeals. I wanted to smack her but like I said she was cute, wearing spandex and talking to me.

It is in that moment that I see her horrified expression and glance over to see the evil border collie mix has flung all 24 of her wee little pounds onto the 13 year old Belgian shepherd girl. She has her, on her back and has her by the throat, fur is flying. After all this is a hysterical moment, our owner just shouted and pulled us off the sidewalk that must mean she is mad at you, well so am I – so take this! And this! And THIS!

Nice. I really hate bitches, I really hate bitches. Never keep bitches — they always fight endlessly. Herding dog bitches are the most evil, type A intense creatures – bossy and annoying.

I grab Silly by the hind legs and I air lift her…air lift her and put her on the ground. “Do not fight with your sister you BITCH!” I hate bitches, did I mention that already?

Luna is rattled…she is shaking but not hurt just lost fur and probably bruising.

The woman road off. I got the group organized to walk forward again.

National Geographic will not be offering me a TV show this week, not without a lot of editing. And that’s too bad cause I look cool with a bunch of dogs moving out through dry ice – well I will after a face lift, a boob job and some cheek implants.

I forgot to pick up the poop, if the Golden even remembered why he stopped before the chaos of the moment. His expression was one of “what the fuc!@#!! is wrong with all of you”? He adds…”don’t keep any herding dogs. NONE.

Now – and read carefully. If you are walking, or especially jogging, or worst yet riding a bike. A dog is a social predator he chases things that move. Groups of dogs are always more dangerous than a single dog…dogs become a “pack”. Herding dogs are especially fond of rounding up women sneaking up on bicycles for their owner unfortunately these woman end up not fond of me. And I’d really prefer attractive women to be fond of me and my well behaved dogs.

And all ya have to do…all one has to do is say “excuse me person behind you” give me just 10 to 20 feet and wait.

And one, at least this one will call the dogs calmly off of the public sidewalk — public means you share space politely — I will call the dogs and tell them to sit and stay.

And they will, and you can pass without incident. And I won’t fall right out of my thongs.

The Blisster Meister still doesn’t like you but he’s well trained. There are well trained dogs, well tempered dogs and those that possess both attributes.

Any dog can be trained, you can give me a very aggressive dog and I can train it…temperament is tricky.

Think of Ted Bundy well educated but dangerous. Ted had a temperament problem.

But that post is dogs 201 and let’s stick to basics today.

Don’t get bitten, don’t let your children get bitten, don’t sneak up on someone with dogs and if you do don’t run past or ride past on bikes whilst squealing like a dying bunny rabbit. Don’t run at dogs, don’t let your children run up to dogs especially when shouting.

If a dog races at you stop moving, drop your eyes (watch the dog with your peripheral vision, never stare), turn your shoulders/body at a slight angle to the dog. If on a bike I would get off of the bike and keep it between myself and the dog.

And before you tell me but the “dog whisperer says” …have you seen how many scars are on that man?! Nuf said.

Thank you.

Dogs, dogs, dogs not blogs…

Posted in Dog Training, My Photos, Personal ramblings on June 5, 2008 by boychick1

It’s just dogs, dogs, DOGS today! Very busy and no time for blogs, reading or writing or replying to comments. Mea culpa, hopefully later or tomorrow.

In the meantime “Nailing Jello To The Wall” and “Dorothy Surrenders” wrote some really lovely pieces on Hillary’s campaign and I suggest you do read them.

Ain’t my dog handsome — yes he can be that serious, solicitors best not knock on the door.

xo-
janet

Ouch.

Posted in Dog Training, Personal ramblings on March 18, 2008 by boychick1

I sat down to explain to my clients what a dangerous dog they had – at about that time he walked over to me. I did not feel safe on the same level as this dog — glanced at him and thought “ah fuc@#!! Houston,we have a problem — eyes do not look good”. I raised my hand to protect my face.

Just then the 100 + lb. rott/pit mix snarled grabbed my right hand crunching and munching – growling. Chomp, chomp, chomp. One seldom sees a dog bite – it’s over and done with before you realize it happened.

It’s so damn disconcerting when you watch it happen. Told myself “do not pull your hand away or it will tear flesh”. The owner came over and was pulling him off and my hand it still in his mouth.

“Please put him away I don’t want to be bitten again”.

Some blood, mostly bruising — sore, startled. May need a break from typing or maybe I just needed some sympathy.

That’s my glamorous day job…why did I leave those other careers again? I think I am going to go take a nap now.