I’d like to offer a bit of education for the woman who decided it was a good idea to ride her bike up behind a woman walking five (THAT’s FIVE) dogs without making herself known.
Don’t fuc!@$@#!!! do that again – eeck.
The dog is a social predator. Predator = chases things that move. Social = let’s all chase things that move. Moron = a woman that walks five or more dogs simultaneously ,whilst wearing flip flops (and a thong – just for you Maria). **not factual actually creative falsification for dramatic interest or humor**
Now ordinarily and today is no exception I am scanning ahead, glancing over my shoulder more often then a woman in a parking garage alone after dark. How in the hell did I miss her?
So the Golden needs to go and he’s going, I glance and see the cyclist. A CYCLIST right on us! And I grab and pull …the Blisster Meister the dog whose photo I put up earlier this week is not a fan of 1. strangers 2. bicycles 3. strangers on bicycles. Cyclists need to be killed, or at least bitten, or at least Jesus please let me just scare her, it’s so fun to watch them jump!
PULL – I pulled hard all of the dogs off of the public sidewalk and I’ve got a white knuckle grip on the monster (he looks really handsome when startled, those white teeth against that dark mask of his face). Think Stephen King movie.
Oh I wanted to shout at her and started to “what are you doing don’t sneak up on dogs, on a bike of all things” but she was cute so I stopped myself. I attempted my best most casual, yet sexy and relaxed smile instead. I am straddled legs askew on the ground gripping a very unhappy Belgian dog. “Oh look at all the dogs” she squeals. I wanted to smack her but like I said she was cute, wearing spandex and talking to me.
It is in that moment that I see her horrified expression and glance over to see the evil border collie mix has flung all 24 of her wee little pounds onto the 13 year old Belgian shepherd girl. She has her, on her back and has her by the throat, fur is flying. After all this is a hysterical moment, our owner just shouted and pulled us off the sidewalk that must mean she is mad at you, well so am I – so take this! And this! And THIS!
Nice. I really hate bitches, I really hate bitches. Never keep bitches — they always fight endlessly. Herding dog bitches are the most evil, type A intense creatures – bossy and annoying.
I grab Silly by the hind legs and I air lift her…air lift her and put her on the ground. “Do not fight with your sister you BITCH!” I hate bitches, did I mention that already?
Luna is rattled…she is shaking but not hurt just lost fur and probably bruising.
The woman road off. I got the group organized to walk forward again.
National Geographic will not be offering me a TV show this week, not without a lot of editing. And that’s too bad cause I look cool with a bunch of dogs moving out through dry ice – well I will after a face lift, a boob job and some cheek implants.
I forgot to pick up the poop, if the Golden even remembered why he stopped before the chaos of the moment. His expression was one of “what the fuc!@#!! is wrong with all of you”? He adds…”don’t keep any herding dogs. NONE.
Now – and read carefully. If you are walking, or especially jogging, or worst yet riding a bike. A dog is a social predator he chases things that move. Groups of dogs are always more dangerous than a single dog…dogs become a “pack”. Herding dogs are especially fond of rounding up women sneaking up on bicycles for their owner unfortunately these woman end up not fond of me. And I’d really prefer attractive women to be fond of me and my well behaved dogs.
And all ya have to do…all one has to do is say “excuse me person behind you” give me just 10 to 20 feet and wait.
And one, at least this one will call the dogs calmly off of the public sidewalk — public means you share space politely — I will call the dogs and tell them to sit and stay.
And they will, and you can pass without incident. And I won’t fall right out of my thongs.
The Blisster Meister still doesn’t like you but he’s well trained. There are well trained dogs, well tempered dogs and those that possess both attributes.
Any dog can be trained, you can give me a very aggressive dog and I can train it…temperament is tricky.
Think of Ted Bundy well educated but dangerous. Ted had a temperament problem.
But that post is dogs 201 and let’s stick to basics today.
Don’t get bitten, don’t let your children get bitten, don’t sneak up on someone with dogs and if you do don’t run past or ride past on bikes whilst squealing like a dying bunny rabbit. Don’t run at dogs, don’t let your children run up to dogs especially when shouting.
If a dog races at you stop moving, drop your eyes (watch the dog with your peripheral vision, never stare), turn your shoulders/body at a slight angle to the dog. If on a bike I would get off of the bike and keep it between myself and the dog.
And before you tell me but the “dog whisperer says” …have you seen how many scars are on that man?! Nuf said.