Archive for the Muscles Category

Soccer at 45. Don’t try this at home or perhaps anywhere.

Posted in Muscles, Personal ramblings on September 7, 2008 by boychick1


I will turn 46 this Wednesday but until then I am going to behave like any normal, queer girl would…I am going to try Pilates for the first time, then kayak for several hours the next day, after wards I’ll schedule an appointment for a large tattoo.

And gosh while I am at it, to round out the weekend, let’s try soccer. You see I thought it would be a great way to (meet women) exercise and enjoy some delightful fall weather. The league is for women over 30 and I am in great shape. I mean I work out all the time – I can do 45 minutes of cardio, I benchpress 100 lbs. I was an all state high school and even played some college athletics for goodness sakes. Piece of cake, soccer. I mean you run, you kick the ball. Easy.

There’s just one thing I really had not thought about. I have not played soccer since I was 12 years old in gym class. And some (all of them actually) of the woman over 30 on the field are really, really good! Well one person wasn’t but I had a great outfit and you know the outfit is important.

Introductions commence “I’m Janet and I’m new”. I did not tell them I had never played before, the team captain had this information and took me because 1. they are desperate for players 2. they are desperate for players 3. they are desperate for players.

It was suggested that I play forward but there are only three forwards and forwards are supposed to kick goals, that seemed like a lot of pressure, it made me nervous. I asked a mid-fielder to switch with me.

Big Fuc!@#!! mistake. A soccer field is really big, really, really BIG and a mid-fielder runs playing both offense and defense. Within moments of running around having no idea what I was doing – I felt like someone was pulling my lungs out through my ears. I fell down several times (going for the ball, I am nothing if not tenacious). I kicked the ball several times, not particularly well.

This happened. It really hurt.

Some bitch kicked my foot – and I made a note to myself, it reads design steel toed soccer shoes. They would be really fun eh? I could get out a whole lot of childhood anger and adult frustrations (oops I digress).

Anyway I noticed when I was about to pass out in the line at Meijers, just from the physical excursion of standing in line (it had been a hour or more since my last dose of ibuprofen) – that my foot is bruised. My lovely foot (people on the street often stop to tell me ‘your feet look just like those of Dara Torres’) my foot is hideously disfigured.

Ok a wee exaggeration but it really hurts and I took this photo just a few hours after the game, how is this going to look tomorrow?!! (yeah my point exactly)

Icy hot is being applied to every inch of my body that is not a mucus membrane, the heating pad (extra large and frankly it’s too damn small) is on high…a nice glass of shiraz, more ibuprofen.

On a positive note…

I was really glad that I had a sense of the game and where to be on the field, I am aggressive and tenacious — and I had good speed… I could often beat people to the ball but alas I had no idea what to do with it once I got it. For some reason my team mates didn’t get the ball to me very often (unless of course they were desperate).

Janet had no idea what to do with a ball.

I wouldn’t have done any of this if I was 46.

And now I am not the least bit worried about the pain associated with getting a large tattoo ’cause peeps it’s nothing compared to the debilitating pain, a 45 years young woman feels playing soccer for the first time, in a very long time.

xoxoxoxox-
ouch (I really could use a deep tissue massage, where is that cute little red head?) Maybe a lesbian reading group…

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Go 41! Go Dara Torres

Posted in Muscles on July 14, 2008 by boychick1

Sue Katz has a nice post on her blog “Consenting Adult”
go read “Swimming Through The Boundaries”

discuss.

Frankly, I think she swims like a girl.

boy, Boy, it’s a BOY!!!

Posted in Muscles, Personal ramblings on June 1, 2008 by boychick1

Nah – not a boy. It’s me! I don’t even think I look particularly like a boy, except apparently when I am naked in a sauna. This is the “before” shot from the sleazy built in camera on the MacBook as you race backwards in three seconds or less trying not to trip over multiple dogs on the floor, or worse those trying to help you move.

Nuf said.

Why, why, why the photo (it’s the before shot)…I have decided to join Oprah and go on a 21 day cleanse of my own, you can read about Oprah’s journey here. But I am not reading it myself — I won’t have chefs, and personal coaches and bottle washers. And she’s wonderful but not funny and I need funny. This is going to be tough – no gluten, no caffeine, no meat or dairy, no say it is not true, NO SUGAR?!!! What the fuc!@#!! I told a friend yesterday what I was doing and her first response was “why”?! I keeled over with laughter, yes indeed why!?

And that’s a good question, one the author of “Quantum Wellness” Kathy Freston could answer here.

I’ve already moved in some of these directions over the past five years quitting smoking, beginning to exercise regularly, to eat more organic foods and more consciously. Middle age hits and your body gives you the first indications that it will not take the abuse any longer. The late nights, the binge eating, that bottle of wine. You better take inventory of your life in middle age or you will have a crisis of psyche and health.

And I was suffering from what I believe were hormonal migraines (that would take me down and have me throwing up before every period), night sweats. Just a few changes to my diet, a few natural supplements have greatly reduced those symptoms. I.E. I am inspired by the rewards of the few changes I have made to continue to make more.

Admittedly I am a sugar junkie and it needs to end. I’d like to be a vegetarian if not a vegan.

I am exceeding a square…my button fly 501’s first became square, waist and inseam measurements were the same. This crushed my spirits – now I have exceeded the square meaning I need a larger waist size then inseam. No…no, no, no. Not acceptable.

I’ve put on 10-15 pounds this year and while it might be in part muscle (my friends and trainer keep saying it’s muscle, it’s muscle) last summers shorts are not buttoned without a great deal of effort and strain.

The book is not here yet so until then it’s life as usual and I am also downloading and reading this blog…Karina’s Kitchen. Her cooking blog with gluten free recipes is as beautiful to look at as it is interesting to read and I have a feeling the recipes will be equally delicious. Lori Hahn told me I’d like Karina Allrich’s blog A Painters Kitchen where she writes about art, words and life. Lori was right of course – it’s a great blog!

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to run – I think I need a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts with a side of bacon and a double shot.

But just wait till I post my “after picture” I’m sure I’ll look just like this…anyone else want to come?

95 lbs…

Posted in Melissa Ferrick, Muscles, Personal ramblings on April 29, 2008 by boychick1

I put on my favorite workout cd today…Ferrick 70 People at 7,000 feet. If Melissa can sing and play that long, I can exercise that long.

Bench press…loaded on 95 lbs…lift 10 times. Then do it again.

Why one asks – so I can look like Gabrielle or was it look for Gabrielle?

Or was it so I can eat an entire batch of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies?

Doesn’t matter…never thought I could do that in my life and of course now I want to go for 100 – at least before I am 60 and middle aged.

j.

Housekeeping…

Posted in blog news, Muscles, Personal ramblings on March 30, 2008 by boychick1

On a personal note I benchpressed 85 lbs. today on the free weights 20 times (two sets of ten) this goal has taken about a year to achieve. I am stronger then I have ever been in my life – so go 45, let one never think it’s all downhill. But don’t you call me butch, you can call me bitch. Women are strong – ain’t nothin’ manly about it (but more on all of that later). Let’s stretch our thinking and our bodies outside of stereotypes and labels.

I have been doing a bit of housekeeping on the blog – never a strong suit of mine. Housekeeping = bletch! Nonetheless I have added some of my favorite sources of inspiration – the websites of artists I love, as well as one for must see documentaries.

AND at the request of O.C. and it does make sense, I have added labels to the site. So now one can peruse the labels and go right to what you want. All my thoughts on music, or poetry, or my own art or prose — or right to the boring confessionals and ramblings of a queer mind.

Let me know if it helps — I really recommend adding labels to your posts from the beginning, I have spent hours backtracking to add labels.

My Oh My What A Big Stick You Have…

Posted in Humor, Muscles, Personal ramblings on December 16, 2007 by boychick1



American Gladiators returns to TV — proof that there are spots of bright light in a dismal world. There was nothing this little lesbian enjoyed more then buff women in spandex fighting in a tacky, tacky, drama for cash prizes. Be still my heart, it’s back on — bad television and ‘reality theater’ at it’s finest.

Ok YES I might be a gay man trapped in a woman’s body. But I’ll be glued to my
television set on January 6th at 9pm. (I better pay that cable bill).

Tell me you don’t want to watch Fury get nasty…just look at her big, big stick. She has some long fingers too not that I noticed.

You can go here and check out the video.